Temper Tantrums and Weaning
Posted September 25, 2011 under Parenting, Temper Tantrums
My daughter is 21 months old and is throwing temper tantrums like she is going through the terrible twos. It doesn’t help that I’m weaning her I guess. She has been breastfed since she was born. Because I was unable to nurse my son for more than 6 weeks, I wanted to nurse my daughter as long as I could. I first said I would nurse her until she was 2, but then decided I wanted to wean her around 12-18 months. Well, when my father passed away in February, the last thing on my mind was weaning her.
I remember taking her to the pediatrician around the time she was 15 months old and the doctor told me they like seeing babies weaned by 18 months (wth?). I could care less about what the doctor said about weaning her because no research indicates anything about weaning by 18 months. I don’t even know why she told me that. At the time though I had no intention on weaning her because I was walking around in such a daze since my father’s passing that I could care less about focusing on weaning.
I read a story on another blog about how “the day she decides to stop nursing for the last time it will be an emotional experience”. From my own personal experiences nursing 2 children, most of the time you won’t know when the last time will be. About a week ago, I’ve decided to cut back nursing her to once a day. Yes, I have been nursing my child more than once a day, and she is over 12 months old. (Oh my, the horror right?!). I’ve been staying at home with her since she was born, and she has never had a bottle (sippy cup, yes, when she turned 12 months), so it is MUCH more difficult to wean a baby when the baby has NEVER been in daycare/babysat by someone on a work schedule or drank from a baby bottle as an infant. Doctors and some moms like to think it is “so easy, not a big deal to wean”. Umm, yeah right. I hate the judgement some people make when they have never walked in another person’s shoes. You can read all the parenting books and magazines all day long and until you have been there, it is not the same. Believe it or not, information you read is not ALWAYS right.
Since I have cut back my nursing to once a week (or 2 VERY short nursing sessions in 1 day), my daughter has thrown massive temper tantrums and has continuously brought me the boppy pillow saying “boobie”. I have only given in once because she had injured herself. For naps, I have been rocking her while she has screamed, pulled my boobs, pinched my arms, pulled my hair, kicked me, and scream bloody murder until I can get her to calm down by singing to her. My husband her been putting her down to sleep at night time (like he is right now as I am typing this). She has clearly been mad at me for trying to wean her. However, I feel like it is time although I don’t think she is ready all the way in her mind.
Besides the weaning, she has been throwing tantrums majorly for the past 2 months. I can barely go shopping with her, and she does awful at restaurants most of the time. My son was such a good baby at restaurants and when we went to the grocery store. My daughter is a different story. She is the baby that screams and yells. I have had to leave grocery stores early because she would not calm down. My husband has had to take her out of the restaurant before to calm her down, and we have had to leave restaurants early because of her massive fits. Yes, I discipline my child. No, I don’t let her continuously scream and yell because if she does I leave. However, I STILL get the stares from people. What the heck people? Hopefully they are just staring out of sympathy because I am a parent that takes my kid out when I see they won’t calm down. There is only so much discipline you can do with a 21 month old. They don’t understand everything, and emotions are the only way they know how to express themselves at this age.
Is it difficult for you to go out with your children at this age?
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Oh my goodness I feel your pain as far as the temper tantrums go! It is just physically and emotionally exhausting!
I can definitely identify to your situation. I have a 17 month old boy who loves to breastfeed. For the last month, I feel like he’s been on my all day. We don’t sleep much at night, because he thinks I’m an all-night buffet. To make matters worse, his separation anxiety has peaked, and he has to be everywhere that I am ( accompanying me to the restroom and having major meltdowns when I try to take a shower). On top of all of this, he’s been teething, which means he’s been biting me a lot recently, and when he has a tantrum, he pinches my breasts and tries to bite me and hit me. Functioning on very little sleep, and dealing with tantrums of a monumental level, I decided to start weaning him gradually. I cut him back to three feedings during the day and two at night (I told you he breastfeeds a lot!). He had the worst tantrum in bed last night (he co-sleeps because of apnea). I swear he was possessed, and he wanted me to comfort him, but still wanted to beat and bite me. It was horrible. I broke down in tears. I have no idea if I’m doing the right thing in trying to wean him right now, but I’m sleep-starved, and getting tired of my toddler abusing me. All in all, I feel like the worst parent ever. =(
I’m sorry you are going through this, that is definitely tough! You are NOT the worst parent ever, you are a great parent for dealing with this! What worked for us is to just stop with a feeding a day and slowly cut down a feeding a day. She threw fits and tantrums but she eventually was accustomed to it. We are still at one time a day but she doesn’t have sleep apnea. I think your son is doing what my daughter does- nurse for comfort and trying to dominate us. Since your son has apnea, which I would imagine is hard to deal with also, I think he is trying to get comfort for that too. So sorry he has apnea that must be difficult! Some people would say let your child wear naturally; however, I think at our points the kids are trying to dominate us. However, I’m not an expert or anything. I would be interested in knowing what your doctor says about the weaning and the sleep apnea. Momma has got to get some sleep. Does he take naps in his crib so you can *try* to take a nap? You have got to take care of yourself too even though I know that is hard. Sometimes I let my daughter play in her crib in a safe area so I can just lay down for a little bit.
Thanks for the advice. We’ve been consistent with only sticking to 3 feedings during the day, and two at night and I can already see where it’s made a world of difference. My son, Evan, has been going back to sleep without breastfeeding. This is monumental for us! Sure, I still have to pat him on the back, but it’s a step in the right direction. He’s getting used to the breastfeeding schedule, and I usually offer him a drink or something to eat when he asks to breastfeed. It may be a difficult journey, but I can already see a light at the end of the tunnel.
as far as my son’s apnea goes, unfortunately this is the season for it. He suffers from asthma and enlarged adenoids, which causes his apnea.
Luckily his breathing treatments help. Our goal is first, to get him sleeping through the night, and second, to get him out of the bed and onto a pallet on the floor. We’ll see where we go from there.
But to any mothers in the same predicament who are reading this. Stay consistent! You’ll start seeing results in your toddler very soon!