Dear Counselor Mom,
My husband and I are not doing well. We are at each other’s throats all day long. We fight in front of the kids, and I can’t take it anymore. We just live under the same roof. Should I stay in my marriage for the kids?
Anne
Anne,
I’m sorry you are going through this with your husband. I know it is a difficult time for all of you. First, I’m going to recommend you both try counseling. If there is no abuse going on, it would be great if you two could work things out. However, to get right to the answer to your question, do not stay in a marriage for the sake of the kids. I’m not aware of any research that states that staying in an unhealthy marriage for the sake of the kids is the best thing to do.
The longer you stay in an unhappy marriage, the more unhappy the household is going to be. The kids will pick up on mom and dad’s behavior. You know that old saying, “when mama ain’t happy, nobody is happy”? There really is some truth to that. When a couple stays in an unhappy marriage, it just rubs off on the kids. They are very aware of the environment and their surroundings. They will become affected by the situation and then their behavior will begin to change. A child should be in a healthy household.
Never give up on your marriage! Too many people do that these days and it is NOT worth it! My husband gave up last year and we are almost done with a horrible, expensive divorce. Work on changing your mind set first, make sure you are being the best wife you can be to honor God and for yourself, not for your husband or anyone else! It might change everything, he might change the way he acts just because you change the way you act. I would have sacrificed almost anything to keep my family together, it is worth it!
I do think a lot of people don’t try and just give up because they don’t think it is worth trying for. Some people don’t realize they have a good thing until they leave. I think a lot of people have marriages that become “boring” and they give up instead of trying to make it work too.