Dear Counselor Mom,
Every man/woman that I have been with can’t be trusted. I am afraid that all men/women cheat. Do you think that is true?
Ok, so nobody seriously asked me this today. However, I felt the need to write about this because of some things I have seen/heard lately. I was told by some people that they don’t allow their spouses to have friends of the opposite sex because that will lead to temptation, which means of course everyone is weak enough to fall into the arms of someone else, right? (being sarcastic here). Here is my opinion:
My answer? NO. I do not believe all men or women cheat. I have a simple explanation. There are 6 billion people on this universe. Let’s say 3 billion are men. As a society, we can’t get 3 billion men to agree on anything! We all know it is wrong to rob, hurt others, lie, cheat, steal, kill, etc. However, we can’t get 3 billion men to agree that it is wrong. So using that logic, we can’t get 3 billion people to agree that cheating is right. Many people will say the opposite, that cheating is wrong!
Some of you may say, “oh well it is in their nature”. If you strongly believe this, then there is nothing I can say to change that. I don’t believe we were born to be polygamous. If we were born to be polygamous, then the feelings of jealousy would not exist, right? There are men out there who will admit that they don’t cheat on their spouses. If you really feel the need to research this, there are several forums on the web with people trying to deal with their cheating spouse. Surprise, surprise…there are men on those forums hurt and devastated that their wives were cheating.
In regards to people not allowing their spouses to have friends of the opposite sex, I think it depends on how that friendship was formed. For example, Bob has an old high school friend that he talks to every so often. She is on his Facebook. They chat every few weeks. Bob, his wife, the “friend” all go to dinner together. This is probably just an innocent situation (although, of course not all). However, in a situation like this, it makes sense for Bob’s wife to “allow” the friendship. However, let’s say Bob has a new co-worker at work who seems to take a special interest in him. Bob’s wife notices the “new” co-worker calling his phone and emailing him a lot. This doesn’t seen as normal as the first example, does it?
When I say the word “allow”, of course a spouse can’t control what his or her spouse does. However, if Bob’s wife was concerned about the old high school friend, it would be in Bob’s best interest to cut ties out of respect for his wife. On the same token, if Bob’s friendship appears to be sincerely platonic, it is probably best for the spouse to not try and intervene in the friendship because then it could come off as controlling if there is nothing going on.
What are your thoughts?