Accepting Being a Stay at Home Mom

I am finally coming to terms with being a stay at home mom. The funny thing is that I always wanted to stay at home when they were little, just not under these forced circumstances (forced meaning I could not find a job versus me deciding THIS was the time for me to stay at home). I never desired working full time while my children were very little; however, I wanted to at least work part time. There are two reasons why I have felt guilty staying at home. The guilt of my student loan debt is the primary reason. It has been looming over my head for over a year. Fortunately, I was able to claim an unemployment deferment recently, so I only have to pay half of my student loans right now. Let’s just say my student loan debt from my master’s degree is at least a car payment each month before I applied for the deferment. The second reason I have felt guilty is…well…guilt is not the correct word. A better suited word would be “fear”. I have been fearful that I would not get a school counseling job or related educational job in the future because of the amount of time between my graduation and when I do get a job. However, I am finally beginning to disregard those feelings. Many women have children and take off a few years. I decided to not let that fear overcome me. I can thank one of my professors for helping me get over that fear also.

I still believe a variety is good for my personality. I need to have something to focus on while staying at home with the kids. Focus = money. I have learned how to create websites, and I have learned a lot about making money online by affiliate marketing. I am not making very much, but I am on my way hopefully! I enjoy blogging and have several niche websites. I think it is important for my son especially to have an outlet from home, which is why I signed him up for preschool a few times a week. Although the price is affordable, it was something *we* truly can’t afford right now. Thanks to the wonderful director, I have been able to keep my son in for right now paying a lower cost. I am very grateful for that. My parents laid me off one year ago today from their business. They have had little work all year. I unfortunately was one of the people who had to take unemployment. A lot of people have their own judgments about people receiving unemployment, but for the people that really need it is great. Although my husband has a great job has a software engineer, some choices that were made in the past and some medical bills from an almost fatal injury and the repercussions from that deteriorated our financial situation. We have been trying to catch up for months, if not a lot longer than that. Although I talk about being a stay at home mom, I have still applied to every counseling, school counseling, educational, and business job under the sun that I can take that would give me income. My husband overheard some friends of his talking about “well I would work at Wal-Mart before taking unemployment” (they did not know I was on unemployment and my husband did not tell them). Really? The cost of daycare would eat up every penny. I can’t afford to work at Wal-Mart. I don’t think people realize this stuff or think logically when discussing unemployment.

When we purchased our house, we went in with the mindset that only one income should be needed to support our family and house incase of emergencies. In a nutshell, that means that all of our expenses should be paid for with one income so my income would be secondary and we were not OVER buying on a house. Even though we did those things right, the unexpected circumstances and certain financial decisions like going to grad school took us down because we were not ahead of the game yet (I do plan to blog about these pitfalls we have had). I have a feeling next year will be better financially. I think what hurts me the most about our situation is having to wait to buy things that we have needed, like shoes. I didn’t realize it until after our financial problems, but shoes are expensive! Especially for kids. Don’t get me wrong, I buy shoes for my son. However, like right now, he only has 2 pairs of sneakers, and I found out today his toes are are almost at the end of the shoe. Tomorrow I have to go buy him more but I have to decide do I wait for payday on Wednesday, charge it, use unemployment funds, or just buy him one pair to make it til Wednesday. I hate having to think that way. I feel like all of our money goes to groceries and bills. The reason I am blabbing about finances is because I think every stay at home mom worries about not contributing to the household.

Anyways, while staying at home I have applied for several jobs that I could take. I hope when I do get a job, that it allows me to still stay at home at the same time (basically a job that gives me the flexibility). I am starting to get the hang of cleaning the toilets, planning meals, cooking more, crafts, and doing more mom type stuff. Oh, I always cleaned the toilets by the way. I love watching my kids grow. I think it is important for them to see me at home also.

Stay tuned for more…